Boat Puns

A pirate ship is assailing vessel.

My anchor rope started talking to me, so I asked if it was a person now. “I’m a frayed knot,” it replied.

I started a successful boat building business in the attic of my house. Sails are going through the roof!

While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.

Two cruise ships were in the harbor. “I’m empty. Where is everyone?” said one. “I haven’t got a crew,” said the second.

I was saddened to learn that my cousin was run over by a boat in Venice today. I sent his family my gondolances.

Cleopatra fell out of her boat but wouldn’t admit she was wet. She was in denial.

I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor. He was in the wrong craft.

I used to have a fear of boats, but that ship has sailed.

If you ever need to fit two of every animal on a boat, I Noah guy.

A sailor eating alphabet soup found the seven Cs.

Why are sailors so indecisive? Because they’re always far from shore.

When the captain’s ship ran aground he couldn’t fathom why.

My friend was late for our sailing trip. When she arrived, it was a-boat time.

I’m not one for buoyancy, but you know, whatever floats your boat.

“I like the rear of the ship,” Bill said sternly.

A rock band’s yacht moored then fell over sideways. It liked to dock and roll.

I crashed my rowing boat. I suffered a broken scull.

I’d like to have a party on my boat, it is always a great sail-abration.

Leaving boating school is sad, I hated saying bye to my piers.

A ship’s captain is a sails manager.

Do swimming instructors get immersed in their work?

Making a boat out of stone would be a hardship.

3.14% of Sailors are Pi Rates.

A luxury yacht sank and a passenger was holding on to a floating piano. All of a sudden, someone floats by sitting atop a floating cello and asks: “ May I accompany you?”

The admiral’s motto was, ‘Do it schooner rather than later!’

I won the rowing championship, canoe believe it?

Other boats always think that a canal boat is pushy. He just keeps barging in on them.

I recently bought a boat for a friend. I was pier pressured.

Seven days without swimming makes one weak.

We weren’t planning to go sailing, but we decided to seas the day.

My friend has an unhealthy obsession with ocean life. I told her to sea kelp.

A car ferry sailed past. “That’s a ferry impressive boat,” shouted the captain.

Before my operation, the anaesthesiologist asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.

A brother and sister were arguing about oars in their boat. They were having a row.

There’s a big paddle sale at the boat store. It’s quite an oar deal.

The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened. Because Lisa Kudrow and David was a good Schwimmer

This ship keeps banging into rocks. It’s cruising for a bruising.

I got a new saltwater boat. I use it for saline.

A kid put a tied-up piece of rope on a sailor’s wrist. “Knot on my watch!” the sailor shouted. “That’s knot funny.”

I got my friend a row boat, but I’d better a-skiff she wants it.

I named my boat Relation. Now I can tell people…I have a Relationship.

I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it’s not the right size, so I tried to cancel the order. They said it’s too late. That sail has shipped.

We had a party on our boat the other day. It was a sail-abration.

The canoe was annoyed the paddle fell over the side. Getting it back would be an oar-deal.

When the bottom of a cargo ship got a hole, it had one hull of a problem.

I only laugh at boating puns…I’m not a fan of dry humor.

If your boat gets sick, I know a great dock. It’s pier-reviewed.

A rope asked if it was getting a Christmas present. “Depends if you’re knotty or nice,” the sailor replied.

A canoe asked a tug whether he’d been to the Atlantic. “Oh, no,” he replied. “I wouldn’t go there. I have very Pacific tastes.”

A man kept walking round the harbor sticking poles on the boats. He was the harbor mast-er.